Awful Auntie by David Walliams

Author:David Walliams
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2014-09-10T16:00:00+00:00

“Good morning, miss,” said the voice, deep and gruff. “I am Detective Strauss of Scotland Yard.” The man flashed up his police badge to the flap. “You are?”

“Lady Stella Saxby,” replied the girl.

“Ah yes. My colleague on the telephone told me. I must say you don’t look like a Lady!” he scoffed. “More like some kind of… urchin.”

“I am so sorry I haven’t been able to wash and change, I have been locked in the coal cellar.”

“Have you indeed?” His tone was suddenly suspicious.

“Yes, yes I was. I am not lying!” replied the girl, though instantly she regretted saying that as it somehow made it sound like really she was lying. “Thank you so much for coming. I can’t tell you how pleased I am that you are here. But now you are here, I don’t quite know where to start.” Her mind was racing, and the words were tumbling out. “You see I woke up from a coma and my aunt Alberta told me—”

The detective coughed theatrically. “Ha-hum, do you think it might be better if I take a statement from you face to face, miss?”

“Um, oh yes, of course, Detective Strauss, b-b-but…”

“Yes?” The man was sounding rather weary of all this now.

“I er, don’t have the key to the front door.”

“You don’t have the key?” snorted the detective.

“Yes, I mean no. I mean no I don’t have it. I am terribly sorry, sir. I did have it but my aunt’s Great Bavarian Mountain Owl snatched it off me.”

The detective chuckled to himself and sighed. “With respect, miss, your story is becoming more and more ridiculous by the moment!” His eyes loomed towards the letterbox to meet Stella’s. “So it’s just another silly little nipper with an overactive imagination. Wasting police time is a serious offence!”

Stella turned to Soot for help. He tried to give his best supportive smile. She didn’t dare mention to the detective that she had the ghost of a chimney sweep helping her. If she said that then he would no doubt think she was absolutely CRACKERS.

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